doodling with words

She refused to open her eyes until she could remember every part of the dream. There’d been a breeze coming out of the half open window. She looked at her feet. The floor wasn’t… stable. She’d felt cold. Why had she felt cold again? She was barefoot. And wearing only a nightgown. Not her type of nightgown either. It was a… fancier…. vintage-looking one. Where had she seen that before?
Uh! That pirate movie! Yes. But why pirates? she wondered, I never dream about pirates.

She’d stepped over to the window, her feet now freezing. She remembered the pattern on the window. Nicely done. They reminded her of… those windows in castles. The ones her mother always remarked on how hard would be to clean  – eventhough she, herself, had never cleaned a window in her life. But it was pretty. The gray sky above projected stenciled shadows across the room she was in.

What was the room like? She had been sitting on something when this first began. Or wasn’t she?

There seemed to be a lot of wood paneling. Wooden floors. And that motion.

She’d looked through the window and saw… ice. Blocks of ice. Floating in the ocean. The ship pushing them aside. The blue water beneath it gently rocking the ship.

Huh. When did I watch a pirate movie set in ice?

She always dreamed about bits of movies. Which is why she could usually pinpoint the whole story. Like, say, what she was doing and where it was leading to. But usually it was more like… watching. Not this. She’d lived this one.

She’d felt cold.

And it was 30oC outside.

Huh, she thought, and opened her eyes to the geometric shapes projected by her own window, gray sky above.

—–

As proposed by Today’s Author.

Lucky number seven

OK. Let me just start with: I don’t DO new year’s resolutions. I mean, really.

They’re doomed to fail.

January is month of extremely high hopes, whereas the ensuing months are… not energetic enough to keep up. Setting up goals in January is like asking a tiny kid what he wants to be when he grows up, after he’s rocked at kart racing for the first time. Of course he’s going to be a Formula 1 winner.

HOWEVER, after reading Ms Inkeri’s post I’ve decided to write Things I Aspire To For 2014. But I’ll call it LN7 and copy her number seven. But in my defense: I was born on the 7th, the week has 7 days,  7 is a prime number (and I like prime numbers), and according to Chinese medicine, life is divided in 7 year chunks. Tadaaa!

In 2014 it would be very nice to:

1 – Exercise regularly

Which I have. At least for every weekday since January 2nd. I’m the opposite of fit and my classes are all the way up 4 flights of stairs. Gasping for air ain’t attractive.

Also, found peace with dance classes. More specifically, zumba. I hate running around like a hamster and Zumba actually feels more demanding than running track — and it’s loads more fun.

2 – Keeping up with uni

It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s not that I’m not organized. I’m just… poorly motivated to fully dedicate myself to uni. I’ve got two years left, hopefully including an exchange program, and I am going to do my best, and show people what I’m capable of.

And, you know, not drive myself insane when things begin sounding cryptic.

3 – Not feel guilty about which books I’m reading

Ever since I entered college, I’ve been reading very dense books. I mean, seriously. They are from the 1970s. They’ve got loads of equations. They’ve got examples. Usually not fun examples. And even if I didn’t tire my brain out with those stuff, why should anyone feel guilty going to the bookstore and picking up a Sophie Kinsella book, or whatever chick lit I’ve found? It’s still one book more than the average person in my country reads. Per year.

Entertainment is a valid choice. Ignore the judgemental eyes of the hipster salesperson.

4 –  Stay calm. There’s plenty of time.

Well, there might not be. But the things I usually stress about are things not worth stressing about. It’s done. Things will fall where they may. Be zen about it. Try learning to french braid your own hair. Maybe Inkeri can help.

Just don’t fret about all that planning and all that nothingness. About your age. About the years going by. About people. About liiife… just HUSH.

Also, this was the item I’d saved for my reading goals this year. But it’s not worth it. I don’t want to start demanding myself to read. I like reading. Let’s keep it that way. I read about ten books this year, but I also found three new favorite authors (Danny, Jenny, John) – actually, four, if I was entirely honest. I read books that enticed me, that made me laugh, that made me cry, that made me think, but most importantly: that kept me in cozy company. I really loved some of the books I read this year, even found a top favorite. And I’m pretty sure my being extremely picky had something to do with it, so I’ll trust my gut.

Though I probably should consider taking a closer look at the books I currently own, as my bookshelf situation is a growing nightmare. No. More. Bookstores.

5 – Improve my French to B2 level

And I mean B2. I have studied it on and off for 2,5 years, but I feel in no way confident about it. This holiday I have been on Duolingo quite often (you can even check that here). Duolingo is a really, really great memorizing tool for learning new languages. If you are looking into German, French, Spanish or Portuguese I invite you to take a look.

But I still need to do some deeper reading/writing. For that, of course, I’ve bought some books (Le Petit Nicolas, and a book by G. Musso) I’m too scared to read yet, and I’m trying to find a penpal (email or otherwise). Suggestions on either?

6 – Go and get that exchange program

I want to study abroad. I want to learn how other people live. I want to go somewhere cold! And I won’t rest until I do! Hehe. Seriously. On-going procedures. Fingers crossed.

I just need to work on not sabotaging myself.

But I think first and foremost, after this year that’s gone by, I’d like to be able to say that I’ve managed this:

7 – Stay true to myself

I know it’s corny. I really do. But I honestly feel I wasn’t true to myself this year. And that caused me a lot of unnecessary pain. Not to get too dramatic here, but to put it simply: I let people treat me poorly and didn’t stand up for myself. I let myself be carried away and forgot that the one person who knows what makes me happy or not is really me. I thought my sense of self-worth and my values were bigger than whatever petty remark could turn me into, and I was disappointed in myself.

But this year being happy will be a goal, not pleasing others. I am important. What I feel matters.

And that will be my motto for this year. Life’s too short to spend it dreading mornings. And I think that’s the first thing I’ll do: start sleeping early and waking up well rested and looking forward to a brand new day.

Have I mentioned it’s 2h25 in the morning here?

I’ll start tomorrow :P

Otherwise, I pl— No, I won’t plan, I’ll intend to write a little bit. Either here, either privately, try to keep my head in order. But most definitely share fantastic books I’ve come across (maybe even the embarrassing ones), including some from last year which I shamefully neglected to review, and anything nice that comes my way — and hopefully I’ll read about your’s too :)

Happy New Year!

When friends become friends

Some time ago, a friend and I were talking about when we realize our friends have become friends — you know, when your colleague with whom you chat with after a meeting becomes the person you call just because, and then go have pizza. And my friend said something I’d never given much thought to: you become a friend when you feel you can mess with them and they’ll take it as a joke.

It felt particularly meaningful because he – my friend – messed with me the very first day we met. He made fun of my hair, and suddenly I was part of the group. It was such a silly thing, but it worked as a social trigger. And thinking back, it was like that with every other group I’ve been in, and every newcomer that joined us. Like a rite of passage of sorts.

But what happens when this intimacy that allows for (and maybe even encourages) these sort of comments and jokes is lost?

I’m in that tricky path of seeing which highschool friends survive the test of time, distance, different new interests and blablabla. I’m heading to my 4th year of uni. We still have a facebook group. I still know what they look like, in which city they are living, what courses they are taking… But we are not that close any more. Or I’m not that close any more. Different cliques have developed for those who live close by or still don’t forego when that singer they love comes into town, like expected. But when we meet, they don’t seem aware of the lack of intimacy with the entire group — and then messing with becomes actual messing with.

And it’s annoying.

And I was just wondering, how far should one go to keep friends from the past? Is it really worth it? Are they really friends still?Has this happened to anyone else or am I just too sensitive?