I’m a slightly self-centered, strangely verborragic in writing, shy girl/woman with tons of books I once wanted to read piled up to make up for the year of Engineering related readings. I watch way too much tv, way too many movies and blame on the same reason.

I’d like to think myself real smart, but am beginning to grasp just how tiny my mind is. I will say I know English, Portuguese, French and Italian, but that in no way reflects my abilities on them, given the amount of time I’ve spent unlearning Italian (no where to exercise it) and the lack of effort to French classes (though I do have a Le Petit Nicolas right on my desk, waiting to be read).

I’ve been kind of bummed because I’ve stopped being awesome. I used to be “the girl in the library”, ’cause I’d spend my breaks at the school library, and I read tons of books that year. But eventually I made friends and crawled out of there. Ended up being geeky. Then slightly crazy and geeky. And now I guess I’m somewhere in between posh, geeky, crazy, annoying and stupid. Or maybe not stupid, just average. Which sucks just the same. I said I was going to make a change this holiday, and the start the semester fair and square, ready to rock again, but as January proceeds, I am losing my will.

I’m also facing that awful losing-touch-with-high-school-friends thing, which really sucks. But I do have nice new ones from college. And my boyfriend. So it’s not like I’m a loner. Which is a bit unusual.

Family is great and fightful. In a fun way. Mostly. I’m still living at home, which is a major drawback from what I had planned but kind of a choice I made myself. Which haunts me to this day. I think it always will.

I’m beginning to find out I’m a bit of an attention freak. Which is… weird. I know I never wanted to blend in, but I didn’t think I wanted to be looked at either. Dunno what I want. But at the moment have been trying to tune down and start thinking before word vomit.

Word vomit was something I came up with back when I couldn’t talk. At all. And I noticed my diary entries were quite large. And Avril Lavigne (kinda big back then) had said something like “I only regret the things I didn’t do” and I decided to take her up on it and started saying whatever came to mind. Which worked a little for my Crazy status. And turned out to be quite fun. Until the attention thing. So now I’m trying to zip it.

Not here, though. Here I shall vent. Ha.

It’s not like anyone will read it, I think. (Bad blogs experiences.)





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